First, I have to say that 2010 was not the best year for me , so I don't mind saying goodbye to it. I feel like it has gone by in this blur of color and sound and emotion. I started off 2010 on a rocky footing ... and though I am finishing it on a much more stable standing , I am nowhere near balanced. Don't get me wrong , many nice memories occurred in 2010 - like my amazing 21rst birthday that I spent surrounded by family and my man. Or celebrating my 2 year anniversary with my wonderful boyfriend. Unfortunately I lost some very important relationships , one right before 2010 started and another very slowly as the year commenced.
When I think of everything I have gone through on an emotional level I wish that most of 2010 could be forgotten, but what I have learned about myself and what I want in life is priceless and I don't want to forget what I have accomplished on that level. Some say the " depression " I went through this year was simply a stepping stone to better things, while others simply chose to deny the occurrence or even the possibility of me being depressed enough for it to affect my everyday life. Now all personal opinions about clinical depression and anti-depressants aside, I just want to say that even I don't know if this has been a depression or just an accumulation of past emotions that were bottled up to the point of overflow. I don't know if medication really has helped or if I am just " better ". But what I am sure of is that it has been difficult not being able to work for the past 7 months and coming to term with certain emotions and certain truths has been excruciating. I have learned to let go of my relationship with my father without letting go of the rest of my family - it doesn't mean I don't love him , it just means I love ME more and I am taking charge of MY life. And I have learned that I will make mistakes but I can't stop living life for fear of making them- I just need to learn from them.
I sincerely hope that I can enter 2011 with renewed hope and vigor. I am still getting past some things, which is fine, but I hope that within the next month or so I will be back working- at least part-time ! I also hope that in the next couple months I can find a career path that suits me and find a way to accomplish getting to where I want to be on that level. And if you read this , and you are going through a rough time , know that eventually things get better, don't be discouraged. You can find inspiration in the most unexpected places and that will help push you to WANT to better yourself and your situation. For example , I found it on YouTube , watching Makeup Guru vlogs - it made me want to feel good about myself again ,to put the effort into looking my best again and it pulled me out of the slump I had been in since I stopped working and going out of the house. You never know what might inspire you .
So HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone who reads this - may 2011 be inspirational and mentally healthy for everyone.
Hugs and Kisses , Melissa ♥
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